Vernon Street Writing Workshops, Northampton MA 01060

-- Choose one or more titles for a current work in progress.
-- Write down the title, and comment on it. One way to comment is to argue with yourself about why this title, what makes a good title, what is wrong with this title, and so on.
-- When you get to a pausing place in your commentary, indent a new paragraph, write down the title again, or an alternate, and continue with your commentary.
-- Return to a title whenever you pause.

“You can only do the job really badly,
considering what it is to be done.”
Barbara Lucey – on writing

What type of cloud produces thunderstorms?
The cumulonimbus (Latin, for “rain heaps”) is the massive cloud factory which spawns lightning and thunder. This cloud can span the depth of the troposphere, with its base near the group, to its icy characteristic “anvil” top, sometimes more than 12 miles high. In extreme storms, updrafts can reach 100 mph. Downdrafts can often attain even greater speeds. Aircraft avoid the cumulonimbus due to the extreme turbulence often found inside. The cumulonimbus cloud is the perfect lightning and therefore thunder factory. That is why its is nicknamed the “thunderhead.”

What are the ”four horsemen” of thunderstorms?
Floods, hail, lightning and wind/tornadoes. All are spawned by thunderstorm clouds, sometimes all at the same time. The cumulonimbus cloud is an amazingly efficient weather factory.

How much energy does a thunderstorm release?
The energy in even a modest thundercloud can be impressive. The first atomic bomb was detonated in the desert near Alamagordo, NM on 16 July 1945. Though the energy released was awesome, it was several times less than that generated by the almost daily thunderstorms which dot the New Mexico mountains on a typical summer day.

How high do thunderstorms go?
Almost all thunderstorm clouds grow to heights above 20,000 feet. With 35,000 feet being typical. The more intense ones continue upwards until they hit the top of the troposphere, called the tropopause. Since penetrating into the stratosphere takes a lot of energy, many cumulonimbus clouds flatten out on the tropopause into the classic anvil shape with the tip streaming off downwind. If the storm is unusually intense, the updraft may punch into the stratosphere in cauliflower-like turrets. These “trop busters” are usually severe storms, with internal updrafts perhaps exceeding 100 mph.

How much does a rainstorm weigh?
One inch of rainfall over an acre of land weighs 226,000 pounds. If that same rainstorm occurs uniformly over a ten by ten mile area, a relatively modest size for a shower, we are dealing with 7.2 million tons of rain water.

Extra credit for: any scene with a lobster; a stunning ambiguity; a step-by-step manual; or a spelling problem

Bring Flemko into Hades for a frisky visit. Someone winds up ass over teakettle.

Write a scene of a maid cleaning a room—write it with a lot of sibilance to the language.

Please tell about Jimmy Foxx on the eve of a special occasion or a surprising event.

Two girls alone in a cemetery. it could be a sunny Saturday then turns rainy just as they find they’re locked in. It could be that they’re trying to break in to one of the little stone houses. it could be one of them, an orphan, wants to determine which grave belongs to her birth mother.

“I never wanted that in the first place.” Who is speaking, to whom and why? Your answer is embedded, not direct.

Outline for a mystery novel: one of your colleagues in the department of exotic and tropical diseases has been assassinated. Your job is to find the killer and bring him/her to justice. Your colleague’s research took him to Honduras, China and Africa in search of a cure for hookworm, and his office refridgerator is full of human fecal matter. He often had problems getting through customs, etc etc. Also was in a series of extramarital affairs—could his wife be a suspect?

Tell more about the time the chimney fell in—next to the well—on the commune.

Make a list of all the things Lynne said—without the context for these statements, questions or phrases. Then…you’ll know what scene to write next.

Short story: washed up on a tropical island, no obvious source of water, but you have a trained monkey riding on the back of a Siberian husky. Other tools include: pitchfork, divining rod, and a very large ball of beeswax.

The moment, and stretch it out, that the Paul McCartney girl can tell she’s growing up.

Poem in which the subject is wholly the manner in which an unwanted gift is returned

6 - Sherlock Holmes, The Hound of the Baskervilles, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1902

15 - Aureliano Buendia, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1967

74 - Florentino Ariza, Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1985

Badgered, Banjaxed, Battered, Befuggered, Bernard Langered, Bladdered, Blasted, Blathered, Bleezin, Blitzed, Blootered, Blottoed, Bluttered, Boogaloo, Brahms & Liszt, Buckled, Burlin

Had a couple of shickers, Hammer-blowed, Hammered, Hanging, Having the whirlygigs, Howling

Jahalered, Jaiked up (West of Scotland), Jan'd - abbrev for Jan Hammered, Jaxied, Jeremied, Jolly

Lagged up, Lamped, Langered (Ireland) [also langers, langerated], Laroped, or alt. larrupt, Lashed, Leathered, Legless, Liquored up (South Carolina), Locked, Locked out of your mind (Ireland), Loo la

Mad wey it, Mandoo-ed, Mangled, Manky, Mashed, Meff'd, Merl Haggard, Merry, Minced, Ming-ho, Minging, Moired, Monged, Monkey-full, Mottled, Mullered

Paggered, Palintoshed, Paraletic, Peelywally, Peevied, Pickled, Pie-eyed, Pished, Plastered, Poleaxed, Pollatic

Rat-legged (Stockport), Ratted, Ravaged, Razzled, Reek-ho, Rendered, Rosy glow, Rubbered, Ruined

Saying hello to Mr Armitage, Scattered, Schindlers, Screwed, Scuttered (Dublin), Shedded [as in " My shed has collapsed taking most of the fence with it"], Slaughtered, Sloshed, Smashed, Snatered (Ireland), Snobbled (Wales), Sozzled, Spangled, Spannered, Spiffed, Spongelled, Squiffy, Steamin, Steampigged, Stocious, Stonkin

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

“You can only do the job really badly,
considering what it is to be done.”
Barbara Lucey – on writing

bulimia
bulimiac
bulimic
bulimics
bulk
bulkage
bulked
bulkhead
bulkheads
bulkier
bulkiest
bulkily
bulkiness
bulking
bulks
bulky
bull
bulla
bullace
bullaces
bullae
bullate
bullbaiting
bullbaitings
bullishness
bullmastiff
bullyrag

The Stamp Collector

The Bluest Days

Shopping at Night

The Poetry Merchant

Why I Am Not a Novelist

Vertigo at Sea Level

Salamander

Eurydice's Song

Ars Poetica

Film Noir

Door to Door

Thinking About Sex

The Ballad of Martin and Geraldine

Dido's Closing Argument

Colorado

The Hypnotist

Blue Whale

Mayflower

Repairing the Hubble Telescope

The Man Who Could Not Fly

Plush Fire

Into the Poplar Trees

Letter to Emily Dickinson from the Golden Gate

Elegy written on Unlined Paper for Emily Dickinson

Iseult of the White Hands

Afterlives

Wild Onions

Changing the Oil . . . . [from Door to Door, 2002, Fordham University Press]

OR:
Fill 11 lines with nonsequiturs, nonsense, or word salad. If sense tries to sneak in, wrestle it to the ground.

Extra credit for a spot of cream, a tambourine, a haunting echo or a homesick gecko.

11. Lucky that…(finish this phrase at least eleven ways before you choose what path to follow)

Extra credit for any of the following: a wide berth, a sudden mirth, a blue bowl, a unmoored soul.

	Workshop Information
	Monday morning with Robin \| Wednesday evening with Robin\| Thursday evening with Carol
	Writing Prompt Library

	11/11/09 \| 11/4/09 \| 10/14/09 \|10/12/09 \|10/5/09 \| 9/28/09 \| July 2009 \| 6/10/09 \| 5/25/09\| 5/18/09 \| 5/11/09 \| 5/8/09 \| 5/4/09 \| 4/22/09 \| 4/15/09 \| 4/12 \| 4/1/09 \| 3/18/09 \| 3/16/09 \| 3/4/09 \| 2/19/09 \| 2/12/09 \| 1/14/09 \|1/15/09 \| 12/11/08 \| 11/19/08 \| 7/10/08 \| 11/07 \| 7/07
	Wednesday, November 11, 2009 The Hidden Answer. Her funny little habits… Your subject falls asleep a) in an uncomfortable position b) for a very long time c) in a moving car d) while someone is talking at her/him e) none of the above Nota bene: twice today “it” will “be” 11:11:09 on 11/11/09. We were not to open it until he died. While getting dressed, s/he makes a decision. Detail the clothes, the mirror – the stage directions. Begin with the one who told something you didn’t want to hear. Begin with something you (or your character) memorized. You broke a dish. So, what? Extra credit for something really, really small. Wednesday, November 4, 2009 You know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk. -- Tom Waits Wednesday, October 14, 2009 Your title as a refrain: -- Choose one or more titles for a current work in progress. -- Write down the title, and comment on it. One way to comment is to argue with yourself about why this title, what makes a good title, what is wrong with this title, and so on. -- When you get to a pausing place in your commentary, indent a new paragraph, write down the title again, or an alternate, and continue with your commentary. -- Return to a title whenever you pause. Monday, October 12, 2009 “You can only do the job really badly, considering what it is to be done.” Barbara Lucey – on writing What do you want “home” to be? I’ll tell you a secret Monday, October 5, 2009 What is a Thunderstorm? By Walter A. Lyons http://sky-fire.tv/index.cgi/thunderstorms.html What type of cloud produces thunderstorms? The cumulonimbus (Latin, for “rain heaps”) is the massive cloud factory which spawns lightning and thunder. This cloud can span the depth of the troposphere, with its base near the group, to its icy characteristic “anvil” top, sometimes more than 12 miles high. In extreme storms, updrafts can reach 100 mph. Downdrafts can often attain even greater speeds. Aircraft avoid the cumulonimbus due to the extreme turbulence often found inside. The cumulonimbus cloud is the perfect lightning and therefore thunder factory. That is why its is nicknamed the “thunderhead.” What are the ”four horsemen” of thunderstorms? Floods, hail, lightning and wind/tornadoes. All are spawned by thunderstorm clouds, sometimes all at the same time. The cumulonimbus cloud is an amazingly efficient weather factory. How much energy does a thunderstorm release? The energy in even a modest thundercloud can be impressive. The first atomic bomb was detonated in the desert near Alamagordo, NM on 16 July 1945. Though the energy released was awesome, it was several times less than that generated by the almost daily thunderstorms which dot the New Mexico mountains on a typical summer day. How high do thunderstorms go? Almost all thunderstorm clouds grow to heights above 20,000 feet. With 35,000 feet being typical. The more intense ones continue upwards until they hit the top of the troposphere, called the tropopause. Since penetrating into the stratosphere takes a lot of energy, many cumulonimbus clouds flatten out on the tropopause into the classic anvil shape with the tip streaming off downwind. If the storm is unusually intense, the updraft may punch into the stratosphere in cauliflower-like turrets. These “trop busters” are usually severe storms, with internal updrafts perhaps exceeding 100 mph. How much does a rainstorm weigh? One inch of rainfall over an acre of land weighs 226,000 pounds. If that same rainstorm occurs uniformly over a ten by ten mile area, a relatively modest size for a shower, we are dealing with 7.2 million tons of rain water. Monday, September 28, 2009 The biography of a house, by someone who loves it. A synopsis of the day’s activities. No full sentences except one. Tell us two or three things about your mother that only you could know. What he yelled from a third floor window, for starters. You finally get the answer. A poem made of ten short sentences in which a father watches his children. A penny for your thoughts, in the exact order they appear. How exactly do you eat a lobster? And why? Something you would risk your life for. A very nervous person relaxes for a moment. A complete description of her windowsill garden. Extra credit for: any scene with a lobster; a stunning ambiguity; a step-by-step manual; or a spelling problem July, 2009 Using ornithological terms, create a universe. Bring Flemko into Hades for a frisky visit. Someone winds up ass over teakettle. Write a scene of a maid cleaning a room—write it with a lot of sibilance to the language. Please tell about Jimmy Foxx on the eve of a special occasion or a surprising event. Two girls alone in a cemetery. it could be a sunny Saturday then turns rainy just as they find they’re locked in. It could be that they’re trying to break in to one of the little stone houses. it could be one of them, an orphan, wants to determine which grave belongs to her birth mother. An egg, overcooked, leads to disaster. A tale from your youth. “I never wanted that in the first place.” Who is speaking, to whom and why? Your answer is embedded, not direct. Life with a new puppy. Scene in an outdoor café in NY City, LA or Paris Contents of a closet. Outline for a mystery novel: one of your colleagues in the department of exotic and tropical diseases has been assassinated. Your job is to find the killer and bring him/her to justice. Your colleague’s research took him to Honduras, China and Africa in search of a cure for hookworm, and his office refridgerator is full of human fecal matter. He often had problems getting through customs, etc etc. Also was in a series of extramarital affairs—could his wife be a suspect? Write something, dammit. Just write. Say and sound the raven/crow/blackbird; which one speaks? Tell more about the time the chimney fell in—next to the well—on the commune. “You are off the hook, “ she said. Make a list of all the things Lynne said—without the context for these statements, questions or phrases. Then…you’ll know what scene to write next. Short story: washed up on a tropical island, no obvious source of water, but you have a trained monkey riding on the back of a Siberian husky. Other tools include: pitchfork, divining rod, and a very large ball of beeswax. write something incoherent. Tell us how you came to your most controversial political viewpoint. The moment, and stretch it out, that the Paul McCartney girl can tell she’s growing up. A praying mantis, he had a strong fantasy… Someone who never appears is greatly missed. Cross country trip solo, then not, then solo again. Weave disparate threads into a coherent cloak. June day in Texas Old friends get together for tea Chicago in the summer of her 19th year Describe the drugstore counter where you first met after graduation. Only one story left about touch and sexuality A book you’ve loved and recently reread Poem in which black and white change places Poem in which the subject is wholly the manner in which an unwanted gift is returned Follow the river to its source. Her middle name was Cranky. The special secret that makes this pie the best in the universe. And the devil take the hindermost. Extra credit for: a crawl through time without a dime. Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Can you tell me how to get there? How did you make that? What are you doing here? What did you tell them? How did they do that? Monday, May 25, 2009 Monday, May 18, 2009 Five Brief Timed Writings An unanswered question CHARGOGGAGOGGMANCHAOGAGOGGCHAUBUNAGUHGAMAUG left behind without a dime the first-born’s burden names I gave myself Monday, May 11, 2009 Ted Kooser, NPR Interview [2005] "I've got an armchair down in the living room where I prop a cup of coffee on one arm and set my notebook on my lap," he says. "And I just sit there under the floor lamp early in the morning and work and see what happens. Nine days out of 10, nothing good comes of it at all. Maybe on the tenth day, if I'm lucky, some little thing will start a poem." "I feel that I'm really fortunate if at the end of a year, after writing every day, I have a dozen poems I care about," he says. "That's plenty. I don't have great expectations for what happens in those morning sessions. But, you know, if you're not there writing, it's never going to happen." Wednesday, May 8, 2009 Characters in Fiction Since 1900 From Book magazine, March/April 2002 1 - Jay Gatsby, The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1925 2 - Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger, 1951 3 - Humbert Humbert, Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov, 1955 4 - Leopold Bloom, Ulysses, James Joyce, 1922 5 - Rabbit Angstrom, Rabbit, Run, John Updike, 1960 6 - Sherlock Holmes, The Hound of the Baskervilles, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1902 7 - Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee, 1960 8 - Molly Bloom, Ulysses, James Joyce, 1922 9 - Stephen Dedalus, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce, 1916 10 - Lily Bart, The House of Mirth, Edith Wharton, 1905 11- Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Truman Capote, 1958 12 - Gregor Samsa, The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka, 1915 13 - The Invisible Man, Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison, 1952 14 - Lolita, Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov, 1955 15 - Aureliano Buendia, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1967 16 - Clarissa Dalloway, Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf, 1925 17 - Ignatius Reilly, A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole, 1980 18 - George Smiley, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, John LeCarre, 1974 19 - Mrs. Ramsay, To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf, 1927 20 - Bigger Thomas, Native Son, Richard Wright, 1940 21 - Nick Adams, In Our Time, Ernest Hemingway, 1925 22 - Yossarian, Catch-22, Joseph Heller, 1961 23 - Scarlett O'Hara, Gone With the Wind, Margaret Mitchell, 1936 24 - Scout Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee, 1960 25 - Philip Marlowe, The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler, 1939 26 - Kurtz, Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad, 1902 27 - Stevens, The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro, 1989 28 - Cosimo Piovasco di Rondo, The Baron in the Trees, Italo Calvino, 1957 29 -Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne, 1926 30 - Oskar Matzerath, The Tin Drum, Gunter Grass, 1959 31 - Hazel Motes, Wise Blood, Flannery O'Connor, 1952 32 - Alex Portnoy, Portnoy's Complaint, Philip Roth, 1969 33 - Binx Bolling, The Moviegoer, Walker Percy, 1961 34 - Sebastian Flyte, Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh, 1945 35 - Jeeves, My Man Jeeves, P.G. Wodehouse, 1919 36 - Eugene Henderson, Henderson the Rain King, Saul Bellow, 1959 37 - Marcel, Remembrance of Things Past, Marcel Proust, 1913-1927 38 - Toad, The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame, 1908 39 - The Cat in the Hat, Dr. Seuss, 1955 40 - Peter Pan, The Little White Bird, J.M. Barrie, 1902 41 - Augustus McCrae, Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry, 1985 42 - Sam Spade, The Maltese Falcon, Dashiell Hammett, 1930 43 - Judge Holden, Blood Meridian, Cormac McCarthy, 1985 44 - Willie Stark, All the King's Men, Robert Penn Warren, 1946 45 - Stephen Maturin, Master and Commander, Patrick O'Brian, 1969 46 - The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery, 1943 47 - Santiago, The Old Man and the Sea, Ernest Hemingway, 1952 48 - Jean Brodie, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, Muriel Spark, 1961 49 - The Whiskey Priest, The Power and the Glory, Graham Greene, 1940 50 - Neddy Merrill, The Swimmer, John Cheever, 1964 51 - Sula Peace, Sula, Toni Morrison, 1973 52 - Meursault, The Stranger, Albert Camus, 1942 53 - Jake Barnes, The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway, 1926 54 - Phoebe Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger, 1951 55 - Janie Crawford, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston, 1937 56 - Antonia Shimerda, My Antonia, Willa Cather, 1918 57 - Grendel, Grendel, John Gardner, 1971 58 - Gulley Jimson, The Horse's Mouth, Joyce Cary, 1944 59 - Big Brother, 1984, George Orwell, 1949 60 - Tom Ripley, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Patricia Highsmith, 1955 61 - Seymour Glass, Nine Stories, J.D. Salinger, 1953 62 - Dean Moriarty, On the Road, Jack Kerouac, 1957 63 - Charlotte, Charlotte's Web, E.B. White, 1952 64 - T.S. Garp, The World According to Garp, John Irving, 1978 65 - Nick and Nora Charles, The Thin Man, Dashiell Hammett, 1934 66 - James Bond, Casino Royale, Ian Fleming, 1953 67 - Mr. Bridge, Mrs. Bridge, Evan S. Connell, 1959 68 - Geoffrey Firmin, Under the Volcano, Malcolm Lowry, 1947 69 - Benjy, The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner, 1929 70 - Charles Kinbote, Pale Fire, Vladimir Nabokov, 1962 71 - Mary Blackwood, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, Shirley Jackson, 1962 72 - Charles Ryder, Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh, 1945 73 - Claudine, Claudine at School, Colette, 1900 74 - Florentino Ariza, Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1985 75 - George Follansbee Babbitt, Babbitt, Sinclair Lewis, 1922 76 - Christopher Tietjens, Parade's End, Ford Madox Ford, 1924-28 77 - Frankie Addams, The Member of the Wedding, Carson McCullers, 1946 78 - The Dog of Tears, Blindness, Jose Saramago, 1995 79 - Tarzan, Tarzan of the Apes, Edgar Rice Burroughs, 1914 80 - Nathan Zuckerman, My Life As a Man, Philip Roth, 1979 81 - Arthur "Boo" Radley, To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee, 1960 82 - Henry Chinaski, Post Office, Charles Bukowski, 1971 83 - Joseph K. The Trial, Franz Kafka, 1925 84 - Yuri Zhivago, Dr. Zhivago, Boris Pasternak, 1957 85 - Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling, 1998 86 - Hana, The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje, 1992 87 - Margaret Schlegel, Howards End, E.M. Forster, 1910 88 - Jim Dixon, Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis, 1954 89 - Maurice Bendrix, The End of the Affair, Graham Greene, 1951 90 - Lennie Small, Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck, 1937 91 - Mr. Biswas, A House for Mr. Biswas, V.S. Naipaul, 1961 92 - Alden Pyle, The Quiet American, Graham Greene, 1955 93 - Kimball "Kim" O'Hara, Kim, Rudyard Kipling, 1901 94 - Newland Archer, The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton, 1920 95 - Clyde Griffiths, An American Tragedy, Theodore Dreiser, 1925 96 - Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne, 1926 97 - Quentin Compson, The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner, 1929 98 - Charlie Marlow, Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad, 1902 99 - Celie, The Color Purple, Alice Walker, 1982 100 - Augie March, The Adventures of Augie March, Saul Bellow, 1953 Monday, May 4, 2009 D R U N K (euphemisms from the British Broadcasting Service) Ankled (Bristol) Badgered, Banjaxed, Battered, Befuggered, Bernard Langered, Bladdered, Blasted, Blathered, Bleezin, Blitzed, Blootered, Blottoed, Bluttered, Boogaloo, Brahms & Liszt, Buckled, Burlin Cabbaged, Chevy Chased, Clobbered Decimated, Dot Cottoned, Druck-steaming, Drunk as a Lord, Drunk as a skunk Etched Fecked, Fleemered (Germany), Four to the floor Gatted, Goosed, Got my beer goggles on, Guttered (Inverness) Had a couple of shickers, Hammer-blowed, Hammered, Hanging, Having the whirlygigs, Howling Inebriated, Intoxicated Jahalered, Jaiked up (West of Scotland), Jan'd - abbrev for Jan Hammered, Jaxied, Jeremied, Jolly Kaned Lagged up, Lamped, Langered (Ireland) [also langers, langerated], Laroped, or alt. larrupt, Lashed, Leathered, Legless, Liquored up (South Carolina), Locked, Locked out of your mind (Ireland), Loo la Mad wey it, Mandoo-ed, Mangled, Manky, Mashed, Meff'd, Merl Haggard, Merry, Minced, Ming-ho, Minging, Moired, Monged, Monkey-full, Mottled, Mullered Newcastled, Nicely irrigated with horizontal lubricant Off me pickle, Off me trolley, On a campaign, Out of it, Out yer tree Paggered, Palintoshed, Paraletic, Peelywally, Peevied, Pickled, Pie-eyed, Pished, Plastered, Poleaxed, Pollatic Rat-legged (Stockport), Ratted, Ravaged, Razzled, Reek-ho, Rendered, Rosy glow, Rubbered, Ruined Saying hello to Mr Armitage, Scattered, Schindlers, Screwed, Scuttered (Dublin), Shedded [as in " My shed has collapsed taking most of the fence with it"], Slaughtered, Sloshed, Smashed, Snatered (Ireland), Snobbled (Wales), Sozzled, Spangled, Spannered, Spiffed, Spongelled, Squiffy, Steamin, Steampigged, Stocious, Stonkin Tanked, Tashered, Tipsy, Trashed, Trollied, Troubled, Trousered, Twisted Warped, Wasted, Wellied, With the fairies, Wrecked Zombied Wednesday, April 22, 2009 Who are you writing for tonight? What have you lost? What is the shape of your story? "It would be nice to have a room you could not enter except in your mind." from Parlor, by Rita Dove Wednesday, April 15, 2009 British Officer Evaluation Statements The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's" - His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. - I would not breed from this Officer. - This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. - When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. - He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. - He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. - Technically sound, but socially impossible. - This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. - This young lady has delusions of adequacy. - When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. - This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. - Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. - She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. - He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. - This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better. - In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet. - This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. - The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship. - Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. April 12 1. Tell us two or three things about your father that only you could know. 2. Begin by writing a synopsis (without naming names) of a juicy piece of gossip (it might be out of date). 3. The definitive biography of a venerable old dog. 4. What he yelled out the train window, for starters. 5. The smartest person you know answers a series of personal questions. 6. Write a poem made of ten short sentences in which a summer cottage is opened for the season. No ripe berries, please. 7. On tip-toe? Upside down? Or bent over backwards? Wedged onto a narrow shelf? Or? Begin your story or poem in an awkward position. 8. How exactly does one eat this dessert? Wednesday, April 1, 2009 Police Log entries, Piedmont, CA \| full page 1 \| full page 2 Wednesday, March 18, 2009 name: _______________________________ POP Quiz Define these terms; then, please, use in a sentence. epistolary home insomniac secret rambunctious Monday, March 16, 2009 “You can only do the job really badly, considering what it is to be done.” Barbara Lucey – on writing What do you want “home” to be? I’ll tell you a secret. Wednesday, March 4, 2009 27 of the 178,961 words included in the scrabble official word list ( OWL ) bulimia bulimiac bulimic bulimics bulk bulkage bulked bulkhead bulkheads bulkier bulkiest bulkily bulkiness bulking bulks bulky bull bulla bullace bullaces bullae bullate bullbaiting bullbaitings bullishness bullmastiff bullyrag Thursday, February 19, 2009 Stolen Titles . . . with thanks to Robert Thomas The Stamp Collector The Bluest Days Shopping at Night The Poetry Merchant Why I Am Not a Novelist Vertigo at Sea Level Salamander Eurydice's Song Ars Poetica Film Noir Door to Door Thinking About Sex The Ballad of Martin and Geraldine Dido's Closing Argument Colorado The Hypnotist Blue Whale Mayflower Repairing the Hubble Telescope The Man Who Could Not Fly Plush Fire Into the Poplar Trees Letter to Emily Dickinson from the Golden Gate Elegy written on Unlined Paper for Emily Dickinson Iseult of the White Hands Afterlives Wild Onions Changing the Oil . . . . [from Door to Door, 2002, Fordham University Press] Wednesday, February 11, 2009 Eleven around the Red Table Quote the fortune cookie fortune you got on Valentines Day: “When love made a fool of . . .“ He said something that almost worked. Completely forgot to plan anything! How to manage on your own. Ever notice how many song lyrics are about forbidden love? Where you were when . . . What triggered their lover’s quarrel? A mother’s warning to her no-longer-a-child. Had to somehow get the message through. When you finally got the message. Extra credit for fourteen iambic lines ending with a rhyming couplet. Wednesday, January 14, 2009 Thursday, January 15, 2009 1. a toddler ingests a small toy 2. they put the finishing touches on the bedroom 3. no one can find the key 4. a house used to be here 5. she got straight A’s but something was clearly the matter 6. there is this matter of an abiding odor 7. she was the first to sign up 8. this was a difficult birthday 9. the dream of the iceberg, and then the interpretation 10. he wanted to sleep right then and there, but he knew he couldn’t 11. Begin in the middle, or jump right to a synopsis of the aftermath. Whatever you do, don’t begin at the beginning. OR: Fill 11 lines with nonsequiturs, nonsense, or word salad. If sense tries to sneak in, wrestle it to the ground. Extra credit for a spot of cream, a tambourine, a haunting echo or a homesick gecko. Eleven for Thursday, December Eleventh 1. Sparrows bathing in rooftop puddle 2. Rough Translation 3. Very Old Dog 4. All her jewelry except the topaz 5. Two events with a bridge between: give us only the bridge. 6. Stumbling into a fortune 7. False start 8. Late afternoon swim 9. Sort out the one truth from the pack of lies 10. “Don’t be ridiculous!” 11. Lucky that…(finish this phrase at least eleven ways before you choose what path to follow) Extra credit for any of the following: a wide berth, a sudden mirth, a blue bowl, a unmoored soul. Wednesday, November 19, 2008 Thursday, July 10, 2008 1. Retie her shoes, comb out her hair or otherwise put her in order 2. Too good to be true 3. Inscribe your name 4. A galvanized steel tub 5. Start by showing them trying to settle up 6. Natural Bridge 7. Blame me if you have to blame somebody 8. a mad dash to safety 9. invisible evidence of deep love Extra credit for: a tripped wire, a tall spire, a house fire, or a good liar. November 2007: Thanksgiving July 2007 • Over breakfast, Jim gives a neighbor the blow by blow on that Selectboard meeting • you are a child hiding in the tall grass • Jim’s son, home on leave . . . • Carlene Hamlin calls her mom • Town Counsel gets a call from Dick Constant

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